Getting coffee - Revision history

Fochti: Added a "this is culture dependent" comment at the top and a link to "Peach and coconut cultures" at the bottom

2022-08-24T15:51:12Z

Added a "this is culture dependent" comment at the top and a link to "Peach and coconut cultures" at the bottom

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:51, 24 August 2022
Line 1:		Line 1:
			{{Comment\|Please keep in mind that stuff like this is '''highly culture- and context-dependent'''. Try to word it in such a way that doesn't sound like it's universal. Maybe add some sections sorting this by country/culture.}}

	"We should get coffee sometime" or similar phrases (we should do ____ sometime) are often used by neurotypicals to politely convey interest in socializing with other people. However, these are mostly used to be polite and are not actual plan requests, which creates a conflict between the neurotypical person relaying this message and the autistic person receiving it. Autistic people's tendency to interpret things literally means that they will expect the plan to be followed up, while neurotypical people rarely have the intention to lead this plan to fruition. That creates a sense of rejection in the autistic person due to their different expectations.		"We should get coffee sometime" or similar phrases (we should do ____ sometime) are often used by neurotypicals to politely convey interest in socializing with other people. However, these are mostly used to be polite and are not actual plan requests, which creates a conflict between the neurotypical person relaying this message and the autistic person receiving it. Autistic people's tendency to interpret things literally means that they will expect the plan to be followed up, while neurotypical people rarely have the intention to lead this plan to fruition. That creates a sense of rejection in the autistic person due to their different expectations.
Line 5:		Line 6:

	Also: this can vary by country. In some countries, statements like this might always mean "Let's have coffee/whatever!"		Also: this can vary by country. In some countries, statements like this might always mean "Let's have coffee/whatever!"

			== See also ==

			* [[Peach and coconut cultures]]

	[[Category:Allistic communication]]		[[Category:Allistic communication]]

Fire Eider at 18:14, 23 August 2022

2022-08-23T18:14:57Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 18:14, 23 August 2022
Line 3:		Line 3:
	= Alternate perspective =		= Alternate perspective =
	I have found that people say this when they would actually like to maybe hang out with you, or just get to know you better! "Getting coffee" is almost like a "codeword" of sorts for hanging out in general. I would generally take this as a compliment, as I have found that people are USUALLY genuinely trying to convey interest in you when they say this. Unfortunately, "We SHOULD get coffee sometime" is not an actual, solid plan. It is a suggestion. Therefore, the next step in this situation is for you or the other party to take the initiative to formulate an actual, solid plan. This does not always happen, but that does not mean that the person who suggested this never actually WANTED to hang out with you! Sometimes even autistic people may say "we should get coffee sometime" as a less anxiety-inducing way to try to suggest that they WANT to make plans, but by saying this, that is not a guarantee that they WILL make an official plan. Once someone does take this first step (which can require bravery!), either party may or may not take the next step, which would be making a solid plan. (Whoever wrote the above: please don't be offended that I had this alternate perspective! I think it can be important to demonstrate on this wiki that different people can have different perspectives depending on their unique knowledge and experiences. I respect the other perspective shown above!)		I have found that people say this when they would actually like to maybe hang out with you, or just get to know you better! "Getting coffee" is almost like a "codeword" of sorts for hanging out in general. I would generally take this as a compliment, as I have found that people are USUALLY genuinely trying to convey interest in you when they say this. Unfortunately, "We SHOULD get coffee sometime" is not an actual, solid plan. It is a suggestion. Therefore, the next step in this situation is for you or the other party to take the initiative to formulate an actual, solid plan. This does not always happen, but that does not mean that the person who suggested this never actually WANTED to hang out with you! Sometimes even autistic people may say "we should get coffee sometime" as a less anxiety-inducing way to try to suggest that they WANT to make plans, but by saying this, that is not a guarantee that they WILL make an official plan. Once someone does take this first step (which can require bravery!), either party may or may not take the next step, which would be making a solid plan. (Whoever wrote the above: please don't be offended that I had this alternate perspective! I think it can be important to demonstrate on this wiki that different people can have different perspectives depending on their unique knowledge and experiences. I respect the other perspective shown above!)

			Also: this can vary by country. In some countries, statements like this might always mean "Let's have coffee/whatever!"

	[[Category:Allistic communication]]		[[Category:Allistic communication]]

Kateapnp: /* Alternate perspective */

2022-08-23T12:01:05Z

Alternate perspective

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:01, 23 August 2022
Line 2:		Line 2:
	"We should get coffee sometime" or similar phrases (we should do ____ sometime) are often used by neurotypicals to politely convey interest in socializing with other people. However, these are mostly used to be polite and are not actual plan requests, which creates a conflict between the neurotypical person relaying this message and the autistic person receiving it. Autistic people's tendency to interpret things literally means that they will expect the plan to be followed up, while neurotypical people rarely have the intention to lead this plan to fruition. That creates a sense of rejection in the autistic person due to their different expectations.		"We should get coffee sometime" or similar phrases (we should do ____ sometime) are often used by neurotypicals to politely convey interest in socializing with other people. However, these are mostly used to be polite and are not actual plan requests, which creates a conflict between the neurotypical person relaying this message and the autistic person receiving it. Autistic people's tendency to interpret things literally means that they will expect the plan to be followed up, while neurotypical people rarely have the intention to lead this plan to fruition. That creates a sense of rejection in the autistic person due to their different expectations.
	= Alternate perspective =		= Alternate perspective =
	I have found that people say this when they would actually like to maybe hang out with you, or just get to know you better! "Getting coffee" is almost like a "codeword" of sorts for hanging out in general. I would generally take this as a compliment, as I have found that people are USUALLY genuinely trying to convey interest in you when they say this. Unfortunately, "We SHOULD get coffee sometime" is not an actual, solid plan. It is a suggestion. Therefore, the next step in this situation is for you or the other party to take the initiative to formulate an actual, solid plan. This does not always happen, but that does not mean that the person who suggested this never actually WANTED to hang out with you! Sometimes even autistic people may say "we should get coffee sometime" as a less anxiety-inducing way to try to suggest that they WANT to make plans, but by saying this, that is not a guarantee that they WILL make an official plan. Once someone does take this first step (which can require bravery!), either party may or may not take the next step, which would be making a solid plan. (Whoever wrote ~~this~~: please don't be offended that I had this alternate perspective. I think it can be important to demonstrate on this wiki that different people can have different perspectives depending on their unique knowledge and experiences. I respect the other ~~person's~~ perspective!)		I have found that people say this when they would actually like to maybe hang out with you, or just get to know you better! "Getting coffee" is almost like a "codeword" of sorts for hanging out in general. I would generally take this as a compliment, as I have found that people are USUALLY genuinely trying to convey interest in you when they say this. Unfortunately, "We SHOULD get coffee sometime" is not an actual, solid plan. It is a suggestion. Therefore, the next step in this situation is for you or the other party to take the initiative to formulate an actual, solid plan. This does not always happen, but that does not mean that the person who suggested this never actually WANTED to hang out with you! Sometimes even autistic people may say "we should get coffee sometime" as a less anxiety-inducing way to try to suggest that they WANT to make plans, but by saying this, that is not a guarantee that they WILL make an official plan. Once someone does take this first step (which can require bravery!), either party may or may not take the next step, which would be making a solid plan. (Whoever wrote the above: please don't be offended that I had this alternate perspective! I think it can be important to demonstrate on this wiki that different people can have different perspectives depending on their unique knowledge and experiences. I respect the other perspective shown above!)

	[[Category:Allistic communication]]		[[Category:Allistic communication]]

Kateapnp at 11:59, 23 August 2022

2022-08-23T11:59:36Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:59, 23 August 2022
Line 2:		Line 2:
	"We should get coffee sometime" or similar phrases (we should do ____ sometime) are often used by neurotypicals to politely convey interest in socializing with other people. However, these are mostly used to be polite and are not actual plan requests, which creates a conflict between the neurotypical person relaying this message and the autistic person receiving it. Autistic people's tendency to interpret things literally means that they will expect the plan to be followed up, while neurotypical people rarely have the intention to lead this plan to fruition. That creates a sense of rejection in the autistic person due to their different expectations.		"We should get coffee sometime" or similar phrases (we should do ____ sometime) are often used by neurotypicals to politely convey interest in socializing with other people. However, these are mostly used to be polite and are not actual plan requests, which creates a conflict between the neurotypical person relaying this message and the autistic person receiving it. Autistic people's tendency to interpret things literally means that they will expect the plan to be followed up, while neurotypical people rarely have the intention to lead this plan to fruition. That creates a sense of rejection in the autistic person due to their different expectations.
	= Alternate perspective =		= Alternate perspective =
	I have found that people say this when they would actually like to maybe hang out with you, or just get to know you better! "Getting coffee" is almost like a "codeword" of sorts for hanging out in general. I would generally take this as a compliment, as I have found that people are USUALLY genuinely trying to convey interest in you when they say this. Unfortunately, "We SHOULD get coffee sometime" is not an actual, solid plan. It is a suggestion. Therefore, the next step in this situation is for you or the other party to take the initiative to formulate an actual, solid plan. This does not always happen, but that does not mean that the person who suggested this never actually WANTED to hang out with you! Sometimes even autistic people may say "we should get coffee sometime" as a less anxiety-inducing way to try to suggest that they WANT to make plans, but by saying this, that is not a guarantee that they WILL make an official plan. Once someone does take this first step (which can require bravery!), either party may or may not take the next step, which would be making a solid plan.		I have found that people say this when they would actually like to maybe hang out with you, or just get to know you better! "Getting coffee" is almost like a "codeword" of sorts for hanging out in general. I would generally take this as a compliment, as I have found that people are USUALLY genuinely trying to convey interest in you when they say this. Unfortunately, "We SHOULD get coffee sometime" is not an actual, solid plan. It is a suggestion. Therefore, the next step in this situation is for you or the other party to take the initiative to formulate an actual, solid plan. This does not always happen, but that does not mean that the person who suggested this never actually WANTED to hang out with you! Sometimes even autistic people may say "we should get coffee sometime" as a less anxiety-inducing way to try to suggest that they WANT to make plans, but by saying this, that is not a guarantee that they WILL make an official plan. Once someone does take this first step (which can require bravery!), either party may or may not take the next step, which would be making a solid plan. (Whoever wrote this: please don't be offended that I had this alternate perspective. I think it can be important to demonstrate on this wiki that different people can have different perspectives depending on their unique knowledge and experiences. I respect the other person's perspective!)

	[[Category:Allistic communication]]		[[Category:Allistic communication]]

Kateapnp at 11:56, 23 August 2022

2022-08-23T11:56:20Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:56, 23 August 2022
Line 1:		Line 1:

	"We should get coffee sometime" or similar phrases (we should do ____ sometime) are often used by neurotypicals to politely convey interest in socializing with other people. However, these are mostly used to be polite and are not actual plan requests, which creates a conflict between the neurotypical person relaying this message and the autistic person receiving it. Autistic people's tendency to interpret things literally means that they will expect the plan to be followed up, while neurotypical people rarely have the intention to lead this plan to fruition. That creates a sense of rejection in the autistic person due to their different expectations.		"We should get coffee sometime" or similar phrases (we should do ____ sometime) are often used by neurotypicals to politely convey interest in socializing with other people. However, these are mostly used to be polite and are not actual plan requests, which creates a conflict between the neurotypical person relaying this message and the autistic person receiving it. Autistic people's tendency to interpret things literally means that they will expect the plan to be followed up, while neurotypical people rarely have the intention to lead this plan to fruition. That creates a sense of rejection in the autistic person due to their different expectations.
	^ Alternate perspective: I have found that people say this when they would actually like to maybe hang out with you, or just get to know you better! "Getting coffee" is almost like a "codeword" of sorts for hanging out in general. I would generally take this as a compliment, as I have found that people are USUALLY genuinely trying to convey interest in you when they say this. Unfortunately, "We SHOULD get coffee sometime" is not an actual, solid plan. It is a suggestion. Therefore, the next step in this situation is for you or the other party to take the initiative to formulate an actual, solid plan. This does not always happen, but that does not mean that the person who suggested this never actually WANTED to hang out with you! Sometimes even autistic people may say "we should get coffee sometime" as a less anxiety-inducing way to try to suggest that they WANT to make plans, but by saying this, that is not a guarantee that they WILL make an official plan. Once someone does take this first step (which can require bravery!), either party may or may not take the next step, which would be making a solid plan.		= Alternate perspective =
			I have found that people say this when they would actually like to maybe hang out with you, or just get to know you better! "Getting coffee" is almost like a "codeword" of sorts for hanging out in general. I would generally take this as a compliment, as I have found that people are USUALLY genuinely trying to convey interest in you when they say this. Unfortunately, "We SHOULD get coffee sometime" is not an actual, solid plan. It is a suggestion. Therefore, the next step in this situation is for you or the other party to take the initiative to formulate an actual, solid plan. This does not always happen, but that does not mean that the person who suggested this never actually WANTED to hang out with you! Sometimes even autistic people may say "we should get coffee sometime" as a less anxiety-inducing way to try to suggest that they WANT to make plans, but by saying this, that is not a guarantee that they WILL make an official plan. Once someone does take this first step (which can require bravery!), either party may or may not take the next step, which would be making a solid plan.

	[[Category:Allistic communication]]		[[Category:Allistic communication]]

Kateapnp at 11:56, 23 August 2022

2022-08-23T11:56:04Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:56, 23 August 2022
Line 1:		Line 1:

	"We should get coffee sometime" or similar phrases (we should do ____ sometime) are often used by neurotypicals to politely convey interest in socializing with other people. However, these are mostly used to be polite and are not actual plan requests, which creates a conflict between the neurotypical person relaying this message and the autistic person receiving it. Autistic people's tendency to interpret things literally means that they will expect the plan to be followed up, while neurotypical people rarely have the intention to lead this plan to fruition. That creates a sense of rejection in the autistic person due to their different expectations.		"We should get coffee sometime" or similar phrases (we should do ____ sometime) are often used by neurotypicals to politely convey interest in socializing with other people. However, these are mostly used to be polite and are not actual plan requests, which creates a conflict between the neurotypical person relaying this message and the autistic person receiving it. Autistic people's tendency to interpret things literally means that they will expect the plan to be followed up, while neurotypical people rarely have the intention to lead this plan to fruition. That creates a sense of rejection in the autistic person due to their different expectations.
			^ Alternate perspective: I have found that people say this when they would actually like to maybe hang out with you, or just get to know you better! "Getting coffee" is almost like a "codeword" of sorts for hanging out in general. I would generally take this as a compliment, as I have found that people are USUALLY genuinely trying to convey interest in you when they say this. Unfortunately, "We SHOULD get coffee sometime" is not an actual, solid plan. It is a suggestion. Therefore, the next step in this situation is for you or the other party to take the initiative to formulate an actual, solid plan. This does not always happen, but that does not mean that the person who suggested this never actually WANTED to hang out with you! Sometimes even autistic people may say "we should get coffee sometime" as a less anxiety-inducing way to try to suggest that they WANT to make plans, but by saying this, that is not a guarantee that they WILL make an official plan. Once someone does take this first step (which can require bravery!), either party may or may not take the next step, which would be making a solid plan.

	[[Category:Allistic communication]]		[[Category:Allistic communication]]

172.30.3.168 at 11:17, 23 August 2022

2022-08-23T11:17:13Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:17, 23 August 2022
Line 1:		Line 1:
	~~Something allistics might say is~~ "we should get coffee sometime" and an Autistic ~~person such as myself who loves getting coffee with~~ people will ~~enthusiastically say "yes!" but then~~ the ~~allistic will never actually reach out~~ to ~~ask~~ to ~~go out for coffee because sometimes it is just something allistic society says~~ to ~~be polite, they don't actually mean it~~.
			"We should get coffee sometime" or similar phrases (we should do ____ sometime) are often used by neurotypicals to politely convey interest in socializing with other people. However, these are mostly used to be polite and are not actual plan requests, which creates a conflict between the neurotypical person relaying this message and the autistic person receiving it. Autistic people's tendency to interpret things literally means that they will expect the plan to be followed up, while neurotypical people rarely have the intention to lead this plan to fruition. That creates a sense of rejection in the autistic person due to their different expectations.

	[[Category:Allistic communication]]		[[Category:Allistic communication]]

ZoeB: Added category

2022-08-23T08:32:25Z

Added category

← Older revision		Revision as of 08:32, 23 August 2022
Line 1:		Line 1:
	Something allistics might say is "we should get coffee sometime" and an Autistic person such as myself who loves getting coffee with people will enthusiastically say "yes!" but then the allistic will never actually reach out to ask to go out for coffee because sometimes it is just something allistic society says to be polite, they don't actually mean it.		Something allistics might say is "we should get coffee sometime" and an Autistic person such as myself who loves getting coffee with people will enthusiastically say "yes!" but then the allistic will never actually reach out to ask to go out for coffee because sometimes it is just something allistic society says to be polite, they don't actually mean it.

			[[Category:Allistic communication]]

172.30.4.194: Created page with "Something allistics might say is "we should get coffee sometime" and an Autistic person such as myself who loves getting coffee with people will enthusiastically say "yes!" but then the allistic will never actually reach out to ask to go out for coffee because sometimes it is just something allistic society says to be polite, they don't actually mean it."

2022-08-23T03:44:19Z

Created page with "Something allistics might say is "we should get coffee sometime" and an Autistic person such as myself who loves getting coffee with people will enthusiastically say "yes!" but then the allistic will never actually reach out to ask to go out for coffee because sometimes it is just something allistic society says to be polite, they don't actually mean it."

New page

Something allistics might say is "we should get coffee sometime" and an Autistic person such as myself who loves getting coffee with people will enthusiastically say "yes!" but then the allistic will never actually reach out to ask to go out for coffee because sometimes it is just something allistic society says to be polite, they don't actually mean it.